Ten Things You Should NEVER Say to a Comedian and How We Wish We Could Respond When You DO!

1) “Fuck you.”

“That hurt my feelings.”

2) “I hate you.”

“Hate is a strong word. Are you sure you just don’t dislike something about my thoughts?”

3) “You suck.”

“That’s your own opinion. You know, comedy is very subjective and even though I know that to be true it still makes me feel bad that you don’t think I’m very good.”

4) “I don’t like you very much.”

“I’m sorry.”

5) “I not only think your opinions are wrong, but I also don’t respect you or your rights as a person and I’m going to do all that I can to keep you from succeeding.”

“Please don’t.”

6) “Your mother sucks cocks in hell. And that’s a bad thing because that sexual act was never one of her favorites while alive even, and now it’s being used as her punishment by the devil during her eternal damnation.”

“Wow. How do you even know that?”

7) “I know that because I’m a demon sent from hell to further your mother’s torture by making her son aware of her eternal hell-punishment.”

“That’s really terrible.”

8) “And you know what else is terrible? When you die, your punishment will be going to hell and having your cock sucked by your very own mother. How do you like that?”

“I don’t like it at all. I guess since I now know there’s a hell I’ll do what I can to not go there when I die.”

9) “No use. God doesn’t exist. Only hell. Everyone gets tortured forever after they die.”


10) “Wanna do this bringer show.”

“No, thank you.